Monday, March 14, 2011

Tired!

...And it felt that way all the time. Why all these negative energies start reappearing?


It spurred through one fateful event which was the last straw that broke the camel's back.


Then another...


Just this morning I felt so annoyed with some people who lacked common sense. But I don't want to go on tolerating all these negative forces inside, because it would just create a huge hole in my system and for heaven's sake I am tired carrying emotional baggage.

For the past years, I mastered the art of pretension by keeping my annoyance towards other people with in me, I also discovered how to maintain self control and how to escape weariness-- by updating my blogs. Most often than not, it helps pacified my irritation and mood swing.

Writing is always a good relief, a welcome respite and an excellent sanctuary for my cluttered mind. Every time I feel my tantrums would push me to act unreasonably, and every time bad days made me think I am a useless creature, I know where to run ---- writing. So yesterday afternoon, I buried myself composing new entries for my seven blogs.

At 5:00 pm I went home and decided to postpone my plan to buy something for my godchild. Usually when I have no class at the graduate school, I would take a nap at 5:15 to 6pm to rest my tired muscles, but this afternoon, I didn’t, instead I re-read the content of “Anne Frank, the diary of a young girl” book because I needed something or someone to inspire me, to take me far away from all these mess, to a different world where serenity reigns.
Anne Frank was a 15 year-old Jewish girl living in Holland during World War II whose family was betrayed to Gestapo (Hitler's notorious police). She died at Belsen's concentration camp on March 1945, two months before Allies liberated Europe from Germany's savagery.

Every time I feel depressed or at the lowest point in my life, I always think of other people elsewhere in this world who experienced misery, who suffered a lot, who had nothing but oppression in their lives, through this strange recollection, I could appreciate my own life, my own wonderful existence and how lucky I am to live in such a lovely environment, such a comfortable surrounding free from the agonizing circumstances of war, tragedy, disaster and misery. 

Anne Frank was truly an inspiration, though she lived miserably during the terrifying period of World War II, she tried describing the last two years of her life as fulfilling and wonderful counting the lessons life teaches her which made me think that even at the very sad circumstances life never ceases to spread magic and wonders. I closed the book with a smile and read another one, Heroic Leadership by Chris Lowney, a wonderful book about life of Jesuit missionaries and how Loyala’s Society of Jesus inspired others to work on a mission.

After reading books, I went downstairs and had my dinner: hard boiled egg, Whole Wheat bread, one ripe mango and one glass of hot milk. No, I am not undergoing any dieting program, in fact I am not on a strict high protein diet plan ever since, but I’d promise earlier to offer some self-mortification on evening meal since Ash Wednesday.
Whole Wheat bread from Gardenia

I went upstairs after taking my dinner, read notes on my three subjects then listened intently to the splattering of the evening rain….it somehow erases my weariness in life.


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