Monday, June 27, 2016

That Big Hole

After years of undergoing too many snags, larger-than-life, heart-wrenching rejections and failures and defeats in almost all aspects, I still find myself stuck in the same winding route. And I am now on the edge of everything.

My life looks like a ball of misery. Like there's a big curse wagging somewhere in my journey. And as days progress, this big curse beginning to look like a huge hole. Like some sort of a circle, put somewhere, across the curve where the earth constantly rotates, and I have to pass at this big hole to reach a certain dimension of happiness and success. This big hole is challenging me to sprint under the blazing fire.

So while my journey inches me closer to that big hole, I am trying my best not to falter, not to turn back. Because there's no point to turn back, We all need to pass in that big hole. There's no way to go but cross that hole. So I have no choice but to keep moving.

Seeing all these dark patterns, I figured, the hole looks like an eternal agony, a never-ending terrain of a thorny trail and slush and strewn shrubs of mayhem. Everywhere I turn, I see nothing but jagged cliff and bluffs and steeped valley, dotted by winding path of failures.

This big hole of the earth looks like a battle field. And the ammunition I carried at the start of the journey were already fired long before I reached this jagged terrain of life, and now I've nothing left but a bare hand, an empty sack. And no one seems to offer a free hand to pull me from the slush.

I tried pushing myself to go on but it seems there's a wide hurdle blocking my way. Everywhere I go, things seem not doing well. No one looks at me the way I should be perceived. No one seems to care. And I am on the verge of breaking down. All my effort, my weapon, my confidence were crushed. My self-confidence deteriorated and I am at my worst.

Now I am gaping over to the big hole. It's perilous. But there's no other way but to go on,

I am trying to reignite my appetite in life. I should consider this huge hole as a test of my character, my strength, my stamina, to see how far I could go. I am taking my chances to restart my steps to overcome the hurdle. Because the rule of life is not to turn back.