Thursday, April 30, 2015

Why There's Rejection and How to Deal With It


Each one of us has a different story to tell and as we go on with our journey, the story becomes even more complicated and troubling. It edges us deeper to vagueness and bewilderment and if our emotion is very sensitive and unsecured, we will eventually succumb to a serious state of desolation. 

It is hard to escape misery, rejection, despair and sufferings no matter how we want to avoid it because these are part of the story and consequences of being human and for as long as we live and continue to aspire for the best, we cannot escape misery. But when can we say enough is enough with our forsaken fate? Sometimes it's totally disconcerting to absorb all the dust of agony as if life is so unfair and continued to nail us down deeper to the pit of angst and pain.

Among all the miseries and feeling of abandonment and failures, the most terrible is Rejection. Being denied and rejected with something else, may it be love, employment/job, friendship is always disconcerting, unfathomable and traumatic. It crashes our spirit and falters our self-confidence, it leaves us wondering what's wrong with us and why something just cannot be granted, are we jerk and useless?

Almost everyone is battling with different types of rejection and it is always demoralizing. Every now and then, someone, somewhere in this chaotic world experienced rejection: a denied job application, a love interest who chooses someone else, a book proposal that was turned down, a movie star who lost a contract, a homeless person denied a decent life. Rejection at its finest and sometimes we had enough and wanted to yield in despair and wanted to shout and shout why life is so cruel. 

In her Huffingtonpost article "How to Deal with Rejection", American clinical psychologist, Dr. Carmen Harra, presented a profound explanation about Rejection, describing it as one of the most brutal stakes that goes to the heart because it deals a direct blow to our ego...when the ego is bruised, a core element of our being is damaged and we often feel reduced to a lesser version of ourselves".

But why such act? Why are we being rejected? Why others just find it hard to give us a chance to prove our value and trust our capacity? Why are we being discriminated in our own country? The answer is simple. Others have no trust, they lacked fate and confidence towards others, they have difficulties building trust, they are dubious with one's worth and capacity maybe because they too, have issues with themselves that are not properly addressed. When a leader, a person or whoever individual that tend to reject you and full of doubts and refuse to believe that someone has potentials to rise above others and respond to what is expected, that person has commitment issues and already blinded with an ugly encounter from the past, deliberately forgetting that each individual has a different story to tell and should not be judged cruelly with the mistakes of others .

If only these people will give us a chance to prove our worth and let us act based on what is expected then doubts and hesitations will be eradicated and trust will take place. But their views are already contaminated with doubts, refusing to come up with a good judgement, closing their minds with the golden discovery that awaits on the person they rejected, may it be love or employment.

There are people who are innately power-driven and born with natural leadership skills but often overlooked and rejected due to doubts of capacity, mistrust and misconceptions, they are already judged even before giving a chance to work on their skills and talents. It is sad sometimes but this is what happening right now in our society.

So how are we going to respond to rejection? For sure grieving over failed dreams and what has been lost is an insane idea. Being rejected for an employment, a job opportunity, a date, love, career and others is not the end of the world nor a moment to waste time in crying. Life does not end in misery and failures, it revolves and each day offers a different story to tell. So get up and learn from mistakes and overcome the stigma of rejection. Forget those jerks who reject you, they are not worthy of your time.

How to deal with it?

Early Acceptance - Rejection is severely traumatic but the feeling of abandonment won't go away if we nurture it and let it stay in our system, so get rid of it by accepting the defeat early and get on with life. Put in mind that everything happens for a reason and God prepares something better, grander and surprising. God wants us to enjoy life and if we continue to hold on, good things will come our way. It might not be what we wanted at the moment but it could be what we needed at the moment. 

Move on - Remember that life revolves. We should never stop from our quest of looking for something better, it might not come in a split second, but trust God for His time is always perfect. We have to look and move around and do what we can do to reconstruct our failed hopes and dreams. The rejected opportunity might not be the one that could come out the best in us, there's something more wonderful waiting to unfold.

Don't Lose Hope - This is an old adage but still holds water, for as long as we live, hope is always part of our cycle.

Look on the brighter side of life -  Stop complaining and maintain a positive disposition. Yes, we should keep our heart and mind open to a possible opportunity. Maybe that job application that has been denied is not the one that will help us grow into a better person and that workplace might not be a conducive for our growth as a professional. Maybe that someone we keep on wishing to be with is not the right person given by God.

Continue the Quest - If searching for job, continue looking for it, don't define the future with the rejection given by one company. If searching for love, continue praying for it, someday, someone who is truly meant for you will come in the most unexpected and surprising time and circumstances designed by God. 

Prayer and Faith - There's nothing more powerful than prayers. God listens to every prayer. He knows the longings of one's heart. He hears our cries of pain and agony. If we keep holding on to our faith and rely on God's guidance, we will never lost in our journey.






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