Thursday, April 30, 2015

Why There's Rejection and How to Deal With It


Each one of us has a different story to tell and as we go on with our journey, the story becomes even more complicated and troubling. It edges us deeper to vagueness and bewilderment and if our emotion is very sensitive and unsecured, we will eventually succumb to a serious state of desolation. 

It is hard to escape misery, rejection, despair and sufferings no matter how we want to avoid it because these are part of the story and consequences of being human and for as long as we live and continue to aspire for the best, we cannot escape misery. But when can we say enough is enough with our forsaken fate? Sometimes it's totally disconcerting to absorb all the dust of agony as if life is so unfair and continued to nail us down deeper to the pit of angst and pain.

Among all the miseries and feeling of abandonment and failures, the most terrible is Rejection. Being denied and rejected with something else, may it be love, employment/job, friendship is always disconcerting, unfathomable and traumatic. It crashes our spirit and falters our self-confidence, it leaves us wondering what's wrong with us and why something just cannot be granted, are we jerk and useless?

Almost everyone is battling with different types of rejection and it is always demoralizing. Every now and then, someone, somewhere in this chaotic world experienced rejection: a denied job application, a love interest who chooses someone else, a book proposal that was turned down, a movie star who lost a contract, a homeless person denied a decent life. Rejection at its finest and sometimes we had enough and wanted to yield in despair and wanted to shout and shout why life is so cruel. 

In her Huffingtonpost article "How to Deal with Rejection", American clinical psychologist, Dr. Carmen Harra, presented a profound explanation about Rejection, describing it as one of the most brutal stakes that goes to the heart because it deals a direct blow to our ego...when the ego is bruised, a core element of our being is damaged and we often feel reduced to a lesser version of ourselves".

But why such act? Why are we being rejected? Why others just find it hard to give us a chance to prove our value and trust our capacity? Why are we being discriminated in our own country? The answer is simple. Others have no trust, they lacked fate and confidence towards others, they have difficulties building trust, they are dubious with one's worth and capacity maybe because they too, have issues with themselves that are not properly addressed. When a leader, a person or whoever individual that tend to reject you and full of doubts and refuse to believe that someone has potentials to rise above others and respond to what is expected, that person has commitment issues and already blinded with an ugly encounter from the past, deliberately forgetting that each individual has a different story to tell and should not be judged cruelly with the mistakes of others .

If only these people will give us a chance to prove our worth and let us act based on what is expected then doubts and hesitations will be eradicated and trust will take place. But their views are already contaminated with doubts, refusing to come up with a good judgement, closing their minds with the golden discovery that awaits on the person they rejected, may it be love or employment.

There are people who are innately power-driven and born with natural leadership skills but often overlooked and rejected due to doubts of capacity, mistrust and misconceptions, they are already judged even before giving a chance to work on their skills and talents. It is sad sometimes but this is what happening right now in our society.

So how are we going to respond to rejection? For sure grieving over failed dreams and what has been lost is an insane idea. Being rejected for an employment, a job opportunity, a date, love, career and others is not the end of the world nor a moment to waste time in crying. Life does not end in misery and failures, it revolves and each day offers a different story to tell. So get up and learn from mistakes and overcome the stigma of rejection. Forget those jerks who reject you, they are not worthy of your time.

How to deal with it?

Early Acceptance - Rejection is severely traumatic but the feeling of abandonment won't go away if we nurture it and let it stay in our system, so get rid of it by accepting the defeat early and get on with life. Put in mind that everything happens for a reason and God prepares something better, grander and surprising. God wants us to enjoy life and if we continue to hold on, good things will come our way. It might not be what we wanted at the moment but it could be what we needed at the moment. 

Move on - Remember that life revolves. We should never stop from our quest of looking for something better, it might not come in a split second, but trust God for His time is always perfect. We have to look and move around and do what we can do to reconstruct our failed hopes and dreams. The rejected opportunity might not be the one that could come out the best in us, there's something more wonderful waiting to unfold.

Don't Lose Hope - This is an old adage but still holds water, for as long as we live, hope is always part of our cycle.

Look on the brighter side of life -  Stop complaining and maintain a positive disposition. Yes, we should keep our heart and mind open to a possible opportunity. Maybe that job application that has been denied is not the one that will help us grow into a better person and that workplace might not be a conducive for our growth as a professional. Maybe that someone we keep on wishing to be with is not the right person given by God.

Continue the Quest - If searching for job, continue looking for it, don't define the future with the rejection given by one company. If searching for love, continue praying for it, someday, someone who is truly meant for you will come in the most unexpected and surprising time and circumstances designed by God. 

Prayer and Faith - There's nothing more powerful than prayers. God listens to every prayer. He knows the longings of one's heart. He hears our cries of pain and agony. If we keep holding on to our faith and rely on God's guidance, we will never lost in our journey.






Monday, April 27, 2015

Workout in a humid environment

I am a fitness buff. I like wasting my energy doing complicated workout routines, in fact, I felt totally wispy when I cannot stretch my body. Everyday, I always make it a point to start my day with body stretching and a brisk walk. Back in Davao, my regular weekend routine was to sweat out in the People's Park, jogging and participating in a free Taebo, Kickboxing and Latin Dance exercises in the park for one hour. It made my weekend very complete.

I am trying to find time and opportunities to get back to this healthy weekend routine and although I am doing a simple workout routine every morning the past months, I am still planning to enroll in a regular fitness program in a gym.

Sweating it out in a warm Sunday afternoon

Last weekend, I had a chance to visit Quezon Memorial Circle and very thrilled to find out that there's an area in the park devoted for fitness enthusiasts. I was so excited to try some of the workout equipment installed in the area but was not fortunate to try everything as people kept flowing in and seemed no plan to release the equipment to others.

But it was nice! And I love to go back there one of these days to try all the fitness facilities, get back to jogging and hopefully can participate in the Zumba exercise. Whew!  

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Oriental Country living dream

I am a nature lover and I love the kitchen atmosphere and if these two fascinations would be combined in a blueprint, it would produce a design of an oriental country living! Yeah, I adored oriental life, there's something in it that I am very fascinated with, maybe it's the way oriental people (Japanese, Korean, Chinese) practice wellness and healthy lifestyle. When I am in a restaurant, I always look for an oriental menu because it tastes so good and only on small portions without too much fats and starchy features unlike the Western meals.

So it's not surprising that when it comes to a home style, I prefer the oriental setting with lots of plants and flowers ( I admire also the French water garden home landscape).And yeah, I love to cook! It's been my dream to have my own house with a cozy kitchen adjacent to a beautiful garden landscaped in oriental plants and flowers. One of my earnest wishes is to build a small house in a countryside surrounded by trees and all the details magnifying nature and green atmosphere.

 A beautiful kitchen garden design complete with oriental details
This image was taken from the refreshment parlor within the Reunification Palace in Saigon, Vietnam. I was able to chill here with my friends one afternoon in January 2015 when we explored Saigon in one day. Such a cool atmosphere and I want to go back there! :-D

One of my favorite indulgences during the weekend when I am not on a road trip or when my focus is not on writing or reading is really cooking. I love experimenting recipes. Although I cut on meat and tried as much as I could not to consume red meat more than once every two weeks, I relish on lean meat and work on several recipes.

I am a certified seafood girl and I am religiously following a Mediterranean diet but my taste bud goes around with any kinds of meat, oh well, except exotic meat (like dog, snake, cat, rat, frog, zebra, giraffe, horse, leopard, lion, tiger, elephant, crocodile, dinosaur or similar to these toe-curling delicacies) but you know I eat Shark haha! Most folks detested Chevon (goat) meat but I love it and tried cooking Caldereta in pineapple and milk. It's so nutritious because goat has no saturated fat unlike pork and beef.

But I am an environmental advocate, I am strongly supporting groups that promote sustainable green environment (It always gives me a bad feeling every time I hear trees being cut) including animal preservation, so I am trying hard now to just consume seafood, fruits and vegetables.

Before I would go overboard with being a vegan, let's have some cozy moment at the kitchen first with this mouthwatering recipe. Teriyaki Chicken! Yum! I love oriental cuisine and one of my favorites is Teriyaki Chicken and did you know that creating this recipe is as simple as eating it too? 

Here's what I experimented for this home-made Teriyaki Chicken recipe, this is a simpler recipe and you can play it around with other ingredients if you want:



Ingredients:
3 tablespoons soy sauce
2 tablespoons brown sugar
1 tablespoon sesame oil
1 tablespoon honey
1 garlic glove, minced
A quarter of ginger, minced
1 teaspoon pepper powder
1 tablespoon cornstarch
3 tablespoon of canola oil or any vegetable oil
5 pieces of chicken breasts or drumsticks

Procedure:
1. In a bowl, mix soy sauce, brown sugar, garlic, pepper powder.
2. Add chicken 
3. Marinate for 20 minutes
4. Heat frying pan, add canola oil
5. Add marinated chicken
6. Glaze with honey
7. Pour two tablespoons of the marinated sauce to glaze the chicken
8. When chicken is already golden remove from the pan. Set aside
9. Heat the remaining sauce, add cornstarch and minced ginger.
10. When consistency is reach, remove from heat.
11. Pour the Teriyaki sauce to chicken.
12. Served!
Others add wine into the recipe, you can experiment with this style, I am exploring this option also and want to try next time. Wine always adds flavor to food recipes even to pastries it gives a different spike when being added so it's a bit exciting and I cannot wait to cook another version with wine.

California Maki, a Japanese food that I am particularly obsessed
My oriental restaurant dining experience is really incomplete without Maki in the platter

However, if you wanna ask me what oriental food I am really craving and which I cannot go without when dining in an oriental, particularly Japanese, restaurant, it's MAKI!!! Yeah, all kinds of Maki, it is insanely scrumptious! 


Sunday, April 19, 2015

Life will create its own magic

Oh life!Sometimes you can be inspiring, sometimes a little noisy and disappointing. But despite all the turbulence and frustrations you're still a precious gift from God that is so worthy to cherish.

I figure, our behavior is a balance between what we feel at the moment and what our environment is giving us. It's not that we are too frustrated with something else but we often reacted based on what's going on deep inside and how the environmental noises affected our system.

Sometimes we think that everything is falling apart because someone has turned us down or because the hope we're clinging seems very useless to realize. But life does not stop there, it continues to revolve and tomorrow is another day to reconstruct failed longings.

However, no matter how we throw effort to make things a little normal and stress-free, environmental tension is all too present. Political pressure in the country is gripping now that the national election is barely 12 months away and the squabbles of politicians are too much to bear. Traffic congestion, crimes of all types, accident and disaster are becoming even more unfathomable, even in the global affairs, murders, wars and inconveniences are dominating. With all these ugly news and distressing situations, we felt like living in a crazy world where peace is only a dream.

But life is what we make it and despite the tumults that seem all too present in our surrounding, we are still capable of creating wonderful memories. There's still a beautiful side of life that is so fascinating, we only need to discover it with an open mind, we need to change our perspective and to experience thrill and see beauty in a sordid environment. 

We can make each day an amazing moment of fun if we dart our focus on inspiring things and treat each failure as a grace to live by. We should not let those depressing thoughts and draining news consume our energy and happy disposition. 

Each day, I am trying hard not to be affected with the clutters of life, I am darting my attention to the things that have positive effects to my system. I try not to immerse myself on negative and self-defeating thoughts that I am not good at anything. I am treating each day as another chance to make things happen, to reconstruct my goals and hopefully catch the tide of success in the long run. I want to absorb positivism and live one day at a time. 

If luck is still far from where I am at the moment, then maybe tomorrow will bring another story because life is a work-in-progress. It does not stop from failure, from defeat. It continues to revolve. Life will create its own magic at its own pace and time. I'll just keep on holding on. My principle in life is always " God is good! His plan is better and grander and just trust Him because His time is always perfect".

Yeah! It's a beautiful day!

Friday, April 10, 2015

Things I want for my Birthday


Celebrating my birthday without a celebration. OMG! How can that be?

Let's make things straight. I don't like marking my birthday with a celebration, but I like celebrating it more quietly in a simple way -- attending mass/ offering a thank you prayer. This year, my birthday fell on Good Friday, so I am a bit lucky, aside from having all the excuses not to treat my friends (sorry haha!), it was the day where all Christians across the world commemorated the sufferings and death of Jesus Christ on the cross. I spent most of the day in the church and joined the parishioners in the procession at the conclusion of the Lord's Passion for two and a half hours! Yaaay! But it made my birthday a lot meaningful. I contemplated my fate in a deeper sense.

Each year I would buy myself something to mark my birthday, this year, it's different because it was Good Friday, a day where most Catholics would traditionally give up earthly things as a way of expressing a total self-sacrifice in the observance of Christ's sufferings. I opted not to buy anything for myself and stick with the tradition of taking a total self-surrender to commemorate Jesus's suffering.

But if you wanna ask me what are the things I've been longing to buy for myself this year. There are two precious things: Watch and Digital camera.



DIGITAL CAMERA. Any type and any brand. I am not particular with brand as long as it is 20 megapixel. This is a must for my blogging passion. I love nature and I love photography. I want to capture moments in history and I love snapping the beauty of the environment. So many stories to tell about the environment and the mother earth. I am also a travel blogger so having this camera with a higher megapixel is really a must! Oh yeah and it's fun to dream hehe!



WATCH. I love watches. There's something in watch that I find very pleasing. It's more than a time piece to me. It's a like a connection to everything in my surrounding. This is the only accessory that I am particularly obsessed. The above design is my super favorite. Hope I could find something like this in the market.

But despite having no material things for my birthday this year, I am very happy and thankful that God blessed me with a peaceful mind and a safe and healthy life, enough for me to be grateful with my existence. Life alone is a gift and waking up each day safe and sound is already a priceless gift from God.

Sunday, April 5, 2015

My Birthday on Good Friday


Happy Easter everyone!


I had a meaningful observance of the Holy Week this year because last Good Friday was my birthday. I spent most of the day in the church and it felt so good. I'm very thankful that my birthday this year fell on Good Friday, it made my day extra special, very meaningful because it was a day of remembering Christ’s suffering to save mankind. It was a moment of spiritual renewal and total self-sacrifice. Good Friday is always special because it offers a room for deep understanding about the Christian faith.


I don’t like celebrating my birthday. I remember crying when my parents gave me a birthday party when I graduated from elementary and high school. I just don’t want to be the center of everybody’s attention in a celebration. As much as I love organizing a birthday party and other social events for others, I hate it when thinking of celebrating my own birthday.








Since graduating from high school, the routine is simple when April 3 comes, stay in my room in deep contemplation, attend the mass in the afternoon, light a candle and thank the Lord for giving me another year to live. Although circumstances seem not cooperating with my longings, I am not losing hope. I believe each day brings a new opportunity to make things happen, I just have to be focused and determined.


I am a conservative Roman Catholic who still follows the traditional Holy Week celebration, spending more hours in the church than anywhere else and closely observing the Fasting and Abstinence obligatory practices. 



Last Friday,  I took one full-meal during breakfast but at 12:00 noon, my stomach rumbled so I ate one hard-boiled egg then went off to the church to attend the Seven Last Words. At 3:00 PM, my energy began to drop but I ignored it and kept myself hydrated with the water I brought. I felt better, then continued attending the Lord’s Passion. 

At 5:00 in the afternoon, I joined parishioners in the procession and so shocked to find out the route was so long than I expected. We arrived in the church at 7:30 in the evening! I felt so wasted but surprisingly my energy was still very high. I seated for a while in the church to rest my aching body and went home at almost 8:00 in the evening. What a fulfilling and inspiring birthday!


My life in pictures! Lots of stories to tell how far I have traveled in my 
life journey. Asking if I have done anything remarkable, I am not certain really, but I know I am living according to Christian values.

This year, my birthday prayer brought me to another level, more profound, more selfless, an indication that I’ve matured enough with my faith. I reflected on the value of human life, the importance of my belief, my own destiny, how my life is running, the struggles I took, my failures, my longings, my dreams, and the people I chose to relate with.


I realized I should stop grieving over things I have no control, such as why the very people I cared about are the one who never recognize my worth as a person, who would often reject me. Why I often misunderstood. These are outside forces and beyond my control. I cannot dictate how others treat and see me because it’s a personal choice. But just because people turned away does not mean I will stop caring and appreciating. My being compassionate does not change. My heart has not overtaken by remorse, gloom or regret. It still flickers graciousness.

Life is just so hard but I gotta keep on believing that someday things will be on my side, seeing a different light of hope, watching my life rotates in an exciting direction, more fun, more fulfilling. I still believe that kindness and empathy are everywhere and I can still meet nice people who will treat me special and accept me of who I am despite my shortcomings.

This year, I am hoping every dream, wish I desired would finally come true. I am not losing hope for a better life, for someone to cross my path who would really appreciate my worth despite my scarcities in life. Who would be there towards the end of the day, sharing laughter, dreams that might never happen and plans that might not be pursued, just being there to be with and to listen to my stories about life, about the wonders of the world, about the things we love doing and about escaping somewhere to relax and witness the beauty of the environment.

I know it won’t take long to achieve all those wishes, all I have to do is just keep on believing that I can make things happen. I know it will occur in God’s perfect time, His plan is grander and better than mine. There's always plenty of wonderful reasons why God allow us to wait longer. He is preparing something beautiful to transpire. Everything happens for a reason.

For my birthday this year, I have so many realizations. I recognized my defeat on some aspects. I realized I could never get everything in this world. I accepted the fact that no matter how I threw effort to be nice, to give meaning to the word “thoughtfulness” others would never see it completely. People feel differently, we view and understand things differently and we cannot insist how we would be viewed by others. We must respect it, and be grateful that once in a lifetime we met amazing people. I will just count beautiful memories and niceties.

I don’t have riches, I have nothing to offer, but I am one person who is so devoted and extraordinarily caring to folks I always considered special. I am a bit sentimental and taken “caring and loyalty” so seriously. I easily give my trust to someone without a trace of regrets. However, despite all these enthusiasms and devotions, it’s sad to know in the end that no one recognizes it. 

I am often overlooked, misunderstood perhaps and suffered rejection maybe because others are looking for perfection or something I don’t have, but I am not grieving. I understand the story of survival. There are essentials that we must have in order to survive. Sometimes compassion and kindness are often ignored because humans are innately insatiable who keep on looking for something great.

How many times I stumbled on the pit of rejection? Ahh almost my entire life which left me terribly wondering what’s wrong with me, why things never last, feels like no one wants to take me in. Maybe I gripped too hard, or maybe destinies are not yet perfectly aligned. But I have no regrets. Life is really like that.

This year, I learned so many lessons in life but I am not tired caring people, showing compassion, for me it’s a sacred mission, a personal challenge that must be accepted. Wars, hatred, savagery, brutalities and ruthlessness are everywhere and already taken over the beauty of our planet, but we can compensate it by doing good and exhibiting kindness to feel better and to keep on believing this world is such a lovely place to live in. People are good at heart, only that we see things differently.

I would like to thank the people who stick around, my friends who truly valued me, who have recognized my worth and who accepted the real me despite my imperfection and scarcities. Thank you to Helen Montero and Rowena Tagaan for all the support and for always being there for me, for constantly remembering my birthday, it means a lot to me, it inspires me to get on with life. Thanks to long-time friends, Anelyn Arcon and Lea Maika for sending warm messages. 

Up Close and Personal with Me 

Okay, let’s leave behind those sentimental sharing stuff, here are some facts about me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have narcissism complex, I just want to share something about myself because I just turned a year older!

I don’t like chocolates. I don’t drink soft drinks
I prefer Green Tea over Coffee
I love Japanese cuisine especially Maki, all kinds of maki.
I prefer pasta over pizza and burger, whole wheat bread over white bread
I hate bars, night clubs and all sorts of night life
Other than wine, I have never tried drinking alcoholic beverages in my life
You cannot force me to drink liquors, oh God not even beer!
I have less tolerance in alcohol, whenever I drink wine, I try to check the abv first (alcohol by volume) making sure it won’t exceed 5%
I don’t like a very cold environment, but I prefer rainy season over blistering summer.
I dreamed to visit a place where there are autumn and spring seasons
I love nature and photography. I like capturing the stories of the environment
I like traveling, discovering unknown places and learning other cultures
I wish to publish books about Travel and hopefully become a guidebook writer
I love history a lot, I often read complicated history of the world,
\My favorite part of the house is the kitchen, I love to cook, I like the kitchen atmosphere.
I lived independently, I do my own laundry and other household chores
I write a lot, I like creating plot and twist, very liberating!
I love movies it’s a great escape, I prefer historical and suspense genres, the more mind-blowing, the better! I love a story plot that challenges my brain
I dreamed to own a house in the suburb with lots of glass windows and a beautiful garden, landscape of trees and flowers
I like the atmosphere in the countryside, mountains, beaches enthrall me to no end.
Some of my travel dreams include visiting Tuscany region and Vatican in Italy, the mountainous region of Switzerland the lovely beaches and countryside of the United Kingdom, Cornwall, Grasmere, Berkshire, Dorset, Isle of Mull, Isle of Skye, St. Kilda.
I have never dated in my life so naturally I never tried having a boyfriend, it’s pretty funny but that’s the truth and I stopped analyzing things. Life has to move on.

Why?

Life has so many whys.

Why indifference and change transpired in ways we never thought would happen?Why there are stuff like “almost” and “has-never-been”? Why acquaintances often never go beyond hi and hello?  Why there are things that cannot be sustained in friendship, relationship? Why we can’t have forever? Why relating never last? What made them turned away from us?

Over and over again, the same story of rejection keeps repeating like a broken record and lots of people can relate with this. Then the whys started repeating. What’s wrong with us? Why are we often thrown out? Why people refused to know us better? Why it’s difficult to live and fit in a society that defines comfort and success on a monetary level.






The most difficult part of absorbing all these whys is insistently looking for answers why it occurred which made the whole thing more complicated. But answers are so remote that it is better to just stop analyzing the situations and get on with life. The sad truth is, everything in this world is so temporary even if we are trying our best to hold into it. Sometimes it is just so tiring to think about all the might have been.

Eventually, things change, people change, connection loses its strength, relating disappears and  everything becomes just a fragment of imagination maybe because life is constantly moving towards different directions. One thing we are part of the routine, the next thing we’ve been removed because it goes to a separate orbit and revolves into someone else’s axis. It’s quite sad, having to wake up one day and find out everything has change and we're back to complete strangers. Effort becomes so useless when we no longer capture the interest.

With all these whys in life, it’s no wonder at times we felt so very miserable with ourselves, buried in loneliness, and stuck up in a self-defeating thought that we are losers  because we have been dumped and forgotten and failed to sustain whatever is there. Then your mind started asking why it had to turn it that way. Self-pity crawled in, submerging us deeper into frustration and wretchedness.

Life has so many in-betweens and the more we try to understand and read between the lines, the harder it gets and the more confusing things would become. Yes, life could never get easy, we do have issues, we suffered a lot, we have troubles, people slip away, others reject us because we are not the “ideals” they are looking and we cannot offer them something valuable to sustain the future, we would be eventually judged because we failed to follow the norms dictated by the society.

It’s quite tiring, trying to absorb all these complexities in life . So stop analyzing things,  stop seeking reasons, stop insisting with circumstances because it’s pointless. Why bothered what other people think? Why moping over failed hope just because someone has turned away? Why drowning ourselves with distress just because others cannot simply accept the real us and what we only have?

Life is either tormenting or exciting. One thing we are inspired and on top of the world because someone appeared to have treated us nicely, the next thing we are sorely depressed because that someone turned out to be just like anyone else who slowly disappeared in our horizon. There are really instances in life that the one we thought would be our strength, is the one who would turn us down. But life is wonderful to think about rejection and angst. It has to move on.

If we let these things penetrate our system and deflate our concept of self-worth, we would end up like trashes, brooding over our lost dreams, ruining our days and destroying our self-confidence. Life is what we make it and the future depends on how we approach the present and how we want to fight our own battle not on how others want us to be. If others cannot fully accept us of who we are, we should not fret, instead, we have to get up and keep moving, we cannot force people to like us, somewhere along our journey, we would eventually meet nice people who would accept us unconditionally.






God is good. He knows what’s best for us and to whom we should start relating, He prepares someone better to take part in our lives, someone who would truly understand the very core of our existence, of who we are despite our shortcomings and scarcities, someone who would not look on earthly labels - success, achievement, standing in the society, soaring career - someone who would consider us as gifts from God rather than mere humans. It may take longer than expected but trust God for His time is always perfect.