Friday, November 14, 2014

Only Once in a Lifetime

Only once in a lifetime we feel that terrific, special moment where everything seems magnificent and dreamy and the surrounding looks like glimmering with a bewitching spark, like a spring leaf in the morning when caress by rays of a bright sunshine. Magical and delightful. As if a unique brand of magic engulfs the environment.



Each day brings happiness and we become more enthralled with life, inspired perhaps and tempted to nurture some degree of hope despite the vagueness of the circumstances. We just want to enjoy the rosy moment and ride in the thrill of wonder.  


And that’s only once in a lifetime. 


For so long, I am also waiting for that special moment to strike my horizon, anticipating for that unique glow to inundate my whole system. Waiting, thoroughly, became an igniting spike that motivates my day to marvel on the mystery of life.


Moment after moment, counting more days, weeks, months and years, encountering people, forming  associates, friendships that did not go beyond the parameter of hi and hello, mutual understanding that did not progress into a special bond,  until I finally resigned to the fact that maybe it would no longer come. 


My thoughts of affection fizzled. 


But sometimes time can be so generous making ways to recapture the lost magic of hope and allow us to breathe on a new enthusiasm reminding us that every day we live in magic. Things happen and life suddenly becomes more fascinating.


Life, with all its vagueness, provides everyone a beautiful story to tell, punches new energy to embrace renewed optimism. And desire brushes with loveliness again.


A whole new world opens up and memories of my childhood come back. Life seems completely different and more exciting and a great anticipation about the future emerges, felt like there's an invigorating energy that stimulates my system something I never know existed. 

Finally, I am prepared to open my heart even if there's a chance it might be broken because I believe genuine love is worth taking risks. And I am willing to take risks. I've never been into any relationship before because I've waited for that very special magic to shroud my whole system.



Suddenly I become a new person with a unique vitality, more dreamy and hopeful, motivated and elated, as if the world is harmonious and at peace. There’s a visible kick of joy, excitement is all over the place and a pang of a beautiful emotion is lurking underneath. 


But as days progress, it feels like I am just looking for something that's not been there in the first place. Suddenly, a gray horizon reappeared, and the piercing thought of dejection loomed and devoured the magic of thrill. Lovely flowers withered, the beautiful horizon became dull and the lively blue sky turned somber.


Once again, I made myself believed my destiny has been cursed and doomed. A tiny strand of hope fled and I curled back again in the corner of desolation. 



For a while I thought circumstances played prank on me, making my fate a big joke. Awful. Grim. Injurious. The tiny strand of hope I keep holding on, turns out a huge fantasy that would never come true. While others are bathing in sweetness of their romantic adventures, I am tramping in the trail of distress. Agonizing on something I could never have.


Silent pains...silent longings...missing someone...missing something that seems not been there in the first place. Maybe it's better to leave things as they are. But I want to relish the thrill of happiness, the feeling of being in love, because it only happens Once in a Lifetime.



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