Saturday, May 31, 2014

Another Moment...


Having a cup of hot green tea in the morning is always a soothing relief, it brightens up my day and relaxes my mind, there’s a space of beautiful, warm thoughts that opens up. 

But behind this stillness, a strange form of anxiety is lurking beneath, deep inside, there seems an audible rattling of something I could not fathom, like a shattering of a broken glass. 

I tried ignoring it, pretending it's just another passing moment. Another episode of relishing sweet little nothings and will just come to pass. In due time. Hopefully...
Today is another day.

Another day of hope. Another chance to live life meaningfully. Another moment to savor great anticipation of a beautiful tomorrow. 

Today I realized I should be writing again because there are so many stories to tell that only my journal can understand. 

Today I learned that life can sometimes be complicated and there's nothing I can do about it but to go on and carry its weight.

Sunshine beams and sieves through the window of the pantry where I seated. I took a deep breath trying to squeeze out the anxiety that starts to build. It's all over again in my system. A familiar sting of pain that gushes through the chimney of my ribcage.

It's always sad to end the day in despair knowing I could no longer enjoy the thrill of such emotions that swarming underneath because well, there are really things in life that are not meant to be.

Today I want to recognize that huge splashes, bubbles of emotions, bursting in my horizon but I know it could never be materialized and would never be reciprocated. You know when you feel that perfect moment but in the wrong place at the wrong time. It's quite sad.

Another moment of silence passes...

My tousled mind scrunches, but I no longer ask myself what it is because I am aware of its presence. Sadness. Emptiness. Despair. Moping for something I could never have. 

Oh God! Why am I so easily deceived with my own illusion.But it's there, that huge thudding underneath, it's dribbling terribly, something that could never be denied nor ignored. But it is no longer realistic.
I tried darting my mind to other things hoping to pacify the raging of my heartbeat.

I took another sip of tea and breathe deeply and threw my glances above the docile skyline of McKinley.There was nothing to marvel. Only the lifeless rooftops of Tuscany-inspired residences rebounded in my stare. 

When can I seize that perfect moment?

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