Sunday, March 16, 2014

Perplexed!


At last! Finally, I was able to find time to get back into blogging! It's always relieving to write something after a week of work and travel around the city. I always find it fulfilling to express my deepest thoughts through writing.

My days in a week are intensely busy but fulfilling. I would wake up early to travel from Caloocan to McKinley Hill in Taguig and came home extremely late at night and by the time I arrived home I am severely exhausted and would just go to sleep right away.

This daily routine leaves no room for my writing life to fit in. I still have two manuscripts that needed to be polished before I could send queries to publications. The manuscripts are both in the final stage of editing, I'll just get back into it every weekend and hopefully finish before summer ends :-)

So what now? What am I thinking?

Lots of things! Work, routine, people I encountered, people I would love to see everyday, thoughts of the future, apprehensions, worries, plans, dreams, wishes and the never-ending tale of wonder of Why is there a man and he is not mine?haha!Just kidding. It's a title of the book written by Orpah Marasigan.

But yeah,seriously, have you ever encountered a moment where you have to ponder deeply what's going on with your fate or destiny? Or whatever it is that can be closely associated with living a meaningful existence?

Lately, I've been trying to reassess my purpose in life, contemplating hardly, analyzing perhaps, what am I for? Who to be with? Where am I heading? What path to follow? Will the world crumble into pieces if I would not leave a trail in the road I am travelling now? 

Life is extremely bizarre, completely baffling, the more I tried following my dreams, the more it messes me up. It seems some pieces are rolling into an entirely different pattern that leaves me overwhelmingly stunned. But what's behind this?

When emotions get on the way, everything seems like a huge balloon floating in the air ready to pop up with pressure.

At times, it leaves me totally confused. What if I could not live up to the expectations of others? What if I would disappoint them the moment I would make a huge decision in life? What if I would commit a larger-than-the-universe blunder? Would I be condemned? 

The longer I listen to my instinct, the more I am pushing myself to the ditch of bewilderment. Is life really complicated? Or is it just a human concept of survival and belongingness that makes the whole thing completely perplexing?

I always pray, of course, asking God's enlightenment, pleading to make my path safe from entanglements and quanderies, but everyday seems like a total struggle, trying to separate logic from sentiments.

Everything has to be properly processed to avoid being trapped in the web of complexities. Better judgement is often a tricky issue but towards the end of the day, it helps us escape from turmoil and complications.

But even logic could not hold water when a strong emotion gets on the way. How can we separate it from sentiments when reasons itself often refused to understand?

The best thing to do is close our eyes and think about life's fairness.


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