Tuesday, September 17, 2013

A Familiar Sting of Hurt

I've felt it once before so it's a bit familiar...

And today, the sting of hurt passes through the chimney of my ribcage again...a prickly sensation, like an audible crash of a broken glass...deep inside something throbs unexpectedly. Why such strange reaction? 

Well, I figured, reactions are involuntary, something that we cannot control. Our system responds the way our subconscious processed a certain state of feelings. If triggers by circumstances, the real pang of emotion will just come out naturally. 

But why? Am I hiding something?

Beneath the surface of my solid exterior, lays a dark facade of a brittle feeling which can be easily manipulated by outside forces. In other words, despite my steadfast principles in life, I've this "soft spot" that can be easily swayed with a little twitch of attraction. I am easily smitten with reasons that cannot be understood.

For a while I tried to wind it off, dismissing it as nothing but another form of a stupid fascination towards certain attributes that I am easily drawn with, like an innocent teenager who had just meet his crush at the prom, somehow I was able to toss it. But when I see the cheesy images I was quite surprise when some degree of soreness twinged deep inside. Oh gosh what was it? I was not aware with its presence and I was shock with the way my system responded and I hate it, grrrrrr! Sooooo inconceivable to feel that way! 

Haaaay! Sometimes I can be very stupid and senseless, you know like hundreds of silly girls in town. I've my emotional weaknesses too, but the only difference that sets me apart is that I know how to process emotions, I always take control, I never acted right away, I see things wisely, I know how to find my balance and gauge the weight of my possible choices....for the past years of my life, this logical reasoning thoroughly saves me from emotional disasters and committing terrible mistakes.

But sometimes life can be very mysterious and tricky, edging us to the unexpected direction that confronts our principles, it makes us to think if circumstances play magic or foolishness, sometimes it lures us to some unimaginable quest of pain and suffering to see how far our strength and emotional stability can endure the test of time.

Emotions often betray us, at the deepest part of our soul we become very vulnerable to its beckoning, we become too irrational to balance the logic and sentiment, but towards the end of the day, the manner of judgement and the power of our will, determine everything. 

It's simply unthinkable to easily assume things wrongly...emotions, feelings...that sort of things that actually never happen at all. But why there's a sudden surge of pain? I mean what happen to me? 

The funny thing about humans is the fact that emotions easily get on the way without even knowing it existed until it is confronted by whatever discomforting graphic reality. It's so strange and stupid.

Haaaay emotions really don't have an idea when and where to strike or how to separate the appropriate from the inappropriate, so it's up to us to decide--whether to tolerate it or dismiss it as a total nonsense.

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's learning to dance in the rain and embrace its spattering, afterall, we cannot see rainbow without a little rain.

We should never regret things that make us happy at one point, the feeling is great yes, it gives us so much inspiration, so much energy, it makes us draw a little smile, sing a beautiful song and hear a lovely melody, but just like a bad weather, everything has come to pass. Nothing is truly permanent in this world except change.

And since I am a little bit mushy today, I will end this post with some heart-warming quotes:

"I didn't ask for what I feel at the moment to be over, but then again, I never asked for it to begin, for that is the way it is for life, some of the most beautiful days come completely by chance, but even the brightest days eventually have their sunsets".
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"One day we want silence, one day we want peace of mind, one day we want to smile and hear a song, and if that one day comes and someone will sing a song, the melody might not be meaningful at all"....
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"I never knew until that moment how bad it could hurt to lose something I never really had"....
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Don't fall in love with just the idea of being in love, you will drown with its complexities.
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"What is great love? It's when you shed tears for him but still care for him, it's when he ignores you but you still long for him. It's when he starts loving someone else and yet you manage a smile and find the courage to say "I am happy for you".


Things are far more exciting on the other side of the road, more wonderful, more promising, I got to keep on looking and hoping... :-)

"Everything that happens in this world happens at the time God chooses" (Ecclesiastes 3:1-11)


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