Monday, February 13, 2012

Why marrying late is good

Believe it or not, you may call it madness, but the only time in a year that I ever think about marriage is, well, during Valentine's day.

I am simply tired thinking about it and because I have so many tasks to accomplish, and not to mention the rare supply of potential mates, I have no enough space to think about marrying soon. 

I already stop moping over how I would snag a guy because my priorities in life had changed, I developed new goals and just devised a different life plan, eventually, the ridiculous saying "who ever comes" did not set quite well in my brain.

Though I often think about settling down and having children, I rarely fret why it did not occur early in my life. It is simply ridiculous and stupid to get married for a wrong reason.

Marriage is not an escape, it is an institution, therefore should be taken seriously with a correct mind set and not because you are being pressured by the people around you. 

So today, while the whole universe is swathed in red with lovers going elsewhere, I would think Valentine's day on a lighter side of life and in the absence of romance -- on a positive side. While lovers are busy preparing stuff for their special someone, I am preparing a blogpost dedicated to every single and unattached person in the world who are still contemplating whether to take a plunge or not.

So why marrying late is good?

For the past centuries, people became so engrossed with the idea of rushing into the altar because of a wrong belief that marriage is the highlight of the human's existence. They listed several reasons: enjoying family life while young, can have as many children as they want, etcetera. But as the world embraces a new trend, these reasons no longer apply. More and more people, especially the westerners, dismissed this concept as nothing but an old-fashioned principle, a concept that is not yet fully accepted in the culture of the third world countries whose civilization is quite late.

But don't get me wrong, marrying early is not bad, there are plenty of couples who married young and have a wonderful union, every one has a different story to tell and it should never be compared. It depends on how the two of you carried the highs and lows of married life.

There are lots of people who wed before the age of 35 and have successful and happy marriages. Every union has ups and downs whether you married early or very late. It has both thorns and roses. How the level of difficulty and comfort differs lies on how you view marriage.

I am talking based on the survey and observation and not on every married couple. So here it is...

Getting married late in life offers plenty of advantages than getting married young, this is according to a research study conducted in several developed countries. In the western world the rate of divorce, separation and infidelity is deliberately high among people who married young (ages between 18 to 32), disillusionment, weariness and boredom in married life are also high among people who started a family between those ages. 

Aspiring for better careers, financial issues, self-fulfilment, independence are just some reasons why people in the modern world have put off marriage. Though people in the third world countries have still reservation on marrying late, it is now a common trend in some developed countries like Japan, the United States and some European nations. China is now slowly adopting this trend, with its fast-rising economy, two-child policy and educational advancement, marrying young is simply unthinkable, thus, by international standard, it is only practical to get married beyond the age of 34. 

According to the China Daily:

"There's nothing wrong with a man or woman who is not married by 30. It's not about being disrespectful to parents or to social traditions. It's certainly not a sure sign of pending poor health or psychological problems.

That doesn't mean that there's something wrong with people who get married in their 20s either. It's just as difficult to pinpoint an exact "due" date for people beyond the legal age of marriage as it is to pinpoint an "expiration" date. Everyone's different. And isn't marriage supposed to be about love, not just someone's age?

It's simply a fact that educated urban populations tend to marry later than previous generations in modern economies around the world, including China".
Here are some of the best advantages:

PERSONAL GROWTH
According to an article in Helium written by Dawn Hawkins, “getting married when you are younger doesn’t allow you to grow as a single person quite enough sometimes, there are many things that you learn about yourself such as who you want to be with and where you want to go in life as you get older. The older you are, the more chance you have of knowing exactly who you are and what you want in life"

Personal growth is an individual task and no lover or soul mate can ever help you accomplish it. The more unsure you are about yourself, the more trouble it will create in your married life. The more you seek happiness in other people or other places, and worst in marriage, the more misery and loneliness you will experience. No one can ever guarantee of a total happiness and fulfillment, it is a personal issue, an attitude of the mind and can only be found within yourself.

Remember this adage "Even if you are a couple, you still need to grow as an individual, you are still entitled to your own happiness". The point here is, the more self-realization you have in life, the happier the union is.

FREEDOM
The priceless perk of being single is of course freedom of everything. Freedom to choose, freedom to do whatever you want and freedom to go anywhere without thinking somebody might disapprove and most of all freedom to map better plans in life. You still have lots of freedom to rearrange your life, fix your goal, devise a different plan, realize a certain mistake, make up with the lost time, make adjustment and learn lots of things.

As a person matures, priorities in life change. The stuff you longed ten years ago might not be the same things you want to have or to achieve next month or next year. As a single individual, you have plenty of time exploring the world, trying to figure out what's best for your life, what are the things that can really make you happy and most of all, meet new friends and potential mates. The essence of fulfillment is more clearly defined as you age. 

When you are young and very much in love, you will most likely rush into marriage and would want to give up every dream and task you want to accomplish, the common result later is disillusionment and the horrifying "what ifs and but ifs". When you reach the age of 34, you come to realize that there are plenty of things in life that are more important than getting cozy with someone in a quiet afternoon.

You will notice that you are more concern with the details of the future than the idea of being in love, you will also realize the most essential part of being human like contentment and self-actualization and that you need to accomplish a specific task first in order to achieve what you are looking for. You will still feel disillusioned despite being with the one you love if some of your basic wants and dreams in life are not materialize while you are still single.

FINDING THE RIGHT ONE
When you are still young, the phrase “finding Mr. Right or Miss Right” seems magnifies a different meaning, it is more on a romantic side, more like a sparkling stuff thinking you have just found a person you cannot live without or a person who can fulfill your fantasy, in the light of illusion this idea seems ideal but in reality this theory does not always ring true.

Do not think too much about children, about becoming parents and enjoying that role while still young. Children are blessings from God but they should not be used as excuses to justify your intention of getting married. Think of them as a result of a happy union and not the sole purpose of entering a sacred union of matrimony.

Well, there are couples who married young and have really a happy union but their numbers surpassed by couples who are turning the other way around. This is where the maturity of a person comes in, the older you are , the more likely you will distinguish the difference between fantasy and reality. But this does not mean that no one can marry young and make it last, it’s just that it is simply makes harder to get through.

Well, when you are still single, you have plenty of time contemplating who will be the right person for you. You are more mature to detect the danger side of falling in love and you are more sensible with your judgement and will be more particular on finding a partner that compliments your character and belief.

MORE SELF-ASSURED AND CONFIDENT
Come to think of it, maturity is a sticky issue, you have to deal with it. It never comes out naturally, you have to work on it and chances are, when you are still young, you are more focus on the romantic and rosy side of life rather than on compatibility. The dreams and priorities are on a different level, more on fantasy and when the honeymoon stage is over, you've got to taste the real pang of what married life is all about.

When you are young the driving force that often pushes you to take a plunge is to be with someone you ever love whom you cannot live without and whom you want to have children despite whether the feeling is genuine or just sort of hogwash. No wonder, years later, the reality struck so deeply that disillusionment and weariness start to unfold: blistering arguments and shouting matches dominate your once happy home. But when you married late in life, you have had enough with life, your ideals and intentions are fully developed and your mind is already focus on a domestic life, thus, horrifying arguments and disagreements no longer reflect the same necessity when you are young and you just think of it more like boring thuds because you gone through with it and engaging with those petty quarrels is not anymore healthy.

When you reach a certain age, jealousy is no longer a big issue. When you are young, those cute girls in your husband’s company seem like a staggering threat but when you are mature and self-assured, they are simply nuisance and you are more occupied with other important things in life. You will come to realize that some things don’t matter in the long run. Being single for a long time allows an opportunity to resolve personal issues and to figure out what responsibility is all about. 

MORE FINANCIALLY SECURE AND FOCUS
It is assumed that people beyond the age of 34 are already financially secure and have established careers. The goal is already set. You are more focus and more concern with how much money you will going to save for your retirement. Surely, you never dreamed to spend your prime years agonizing over how much cash  left in your savings to afford a certain medication. Young people never actually think about retirement until the age of 40, when your mind set is like this, the most horrible thing to occur is spend lavishly on things that did not matter in the long run.

When you are young, your thoughts are preoccupied with organizing a wedding in grandeur and fantasy, but as you age this nonsense stuff is no longer necessary, you are more concerned with how much money you can save in order to build a family comfortably, surely, you never want to start your married life in debt. When you and your partner are both financially stable and have established careers or at least walking in a correct direction, arguments over money matters and other homely issues can be avoided. The more financially secure you are, the less struggles and arguments you will go through in your married life. Marriage already comes with too much things and worries to cope up, if you still put pressure on arguments because your monthly bills and basic needs could not be filled in, the stress level is simply to high for you to endure and work through it.

NO MORE CONTRACEPTIVES
For women marrying late in life, the first thing that will most likely occur is the inability to conceive and it is quite relieving both to your finances and to the national economy. For one, population can be controlled naturally and the two-child policy being pushed by some lawmakers sounds very ideal this time. No more contraceptives which means the danger and hazard brought by the side effects of birth control pills among others, can be effectively avoided. Population explosion is no longer a problem and Gross Domestic Product per capita will be increased. In the long process, you are helping the economy to improve! So why other people kept pushing us to get married when everyone can benefit from it?

FINALLY, THE RESPONSIBILITY

Marriage implies an enormous responsibility that's why marrying late in life always offers the best advantage. Emotional maturity is very crucial in dealing the rigor of married life later.

For women, bearing children beyond 36 resonates huge advantages than having them below 32. Responsibility wise, older women are more emotionally mature and self-assured than younger women, this is because older women can already handle the stress and anxiety of taking two careers -- wife and mother -- simultaneously without breaking into pressure . When a woman reached 37 post partum or post natal disorder rarely occurs and not only that, it is widely proven that women beyond 36 increase the chance of conceiving twins and will most likely bear highly intelligent children because their egg cells are fully developed and reached the highest pick of maturity.  

For men, getting married late is not really a cause of distress but for women, well, the decision is quite unsettling because of the "ability-to-conceive" issues, but this concept is proved wrong with women who married late and still bore children naturally.

Here are they:

Rissa Singson
Born on Janaury 14, 1969, she was already 38 years old when she married Chris Kawpeng, a year later she gave birth to her eldest child, now the couple have three children together. Rissa is the current Editor-in-Chief of Kerygma magazine.

Carla Bruni         
Born on December 23, 1967, she was a former Italian model and singer and married for the first time in 2008 at the age of 41 to French president, Nicholas Sarcozy. She has one daughter born in 2011 when she was 44. 

Lady Alice Montagu-Douglas Scott
Born on December 25, 1901 to a British Duke who was a direct descendant of King Charles II of England, Lady Alice was 34 years old when she married in 1935 to the fourth son of King George V of England, Prince Henry, the Duke of Gloucester, but it was five years later in 1941 at the age of 40 when Lady Alice bore her first child, Prince William, she gave birth to another son three years later at the age of 43, Prince Richard, the current Duke of Gloucester. Lady Alice died in 2003 at the age of 102.

Hally Berry
Academy Award winner and former beauty Queen, Hally Berry gave birth for the first time when she was 42 and now expecting a son at the age of 46.

Nicole Kidman
Academy Award winner actress, Nicole Kidman married Tom Cruise in 1990 when she was 22 but through out her 10 year marriage she did not conceive. The coupled divorced in 2002, five years later in 2006, Nicole married country singer, Keith Urban. She gave birth to a daughter two years later in 2008 when she was 40 years old.

So if you are beyond 30 and still complaining bitterly why a potential mate is yet to notice you, think it twice. There are plenty of advantages that a single life can offer than taking a plunge for a wrong reason.

Important point to remember: Getting married late does not mean a very successful and happy marriage, it just means that you have more tools and resources and not to mention a stable emotion to back on should the situation would not set well. Getting married before the age of 30 does not mean you will most likely to fail, it just means that there's a plenty of things and theories to work on in order to avoid the pitfall of disillusionment and weariness. 

It is with God alone that one can attain success in everything they do including marriage and careers. Put God in the center of your life then everything will be fine and perfect.



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