Friday, September 23, 2011

Everything Went Messy!

Everything went messy today! :-(

Just attended the wedding of Michael and Cathy plus the Christening of their baby girl, Nigella, in Our Lady of Lourdes parish church in Bangkal and God!everything went messy and I was so clumsy the whole time!What's with those misfortunes?

I only ate pasta and bread at lunch because I was afraid if I  had chosen rice instead my stomach will bloat beneath my cotton lavender dress. Around 11:45, I started fixing myself, putting on make up while answering the phone call of my parents (inquiring when I will be transferring to a new boarding house). We left at 1:00 pm for Bangkal.

I seated next to Suzanne while the wedding ceremony was going on. When the picture taking was finished, Neil told me to prepare because baptism will soon to follow, then I stood up and the first misfortune happened, for reasons I couldn't understand, I suddenly stumbled on the kneeler and my poor shoes broke its heels!It was creepy and I was in near panic. My nerves rumbled underneath. What would I do now? I didn't have any extra shoes! 

I really felt sorry for myself....it's a blessing that Suzanne brought two pairs of flat sandals so she offered one pair for me. My mind dishevelled and would no longer cooperate what's going on, it was so upsetting that I could no longer pull a smile in my face in front of my friends. It was so miserable and felt like I wanted to fly home  in desperation. I felt  very uncomfortable and just walked around with empty emotions, cringing with the idea that I was only wearing a very flat sandal below my dress at the baptism ceremony, so embarrassing...huhu!

The christening was held at the back of the Eucharistic altar. I wanted to position in the farther corner of the room but I was one of the godmothers so I should be closer to the baby. It was so disconcerting, standing there with an empty mind, remorsing why my shoes malfunctioned...the snubbing gesture of one friend added to my distress. Why he acted as if I was an alien who just landed from Jupiter? I endured his very hostile treatment because my mind was still incoherent and could not process logically the mysterious occurrences in the surroundings.

I could not concentrate anymore with what the priest was saying because my brain was still gasping in shock with what happened to my footwear, the distant treatment of my friend who was standing just beside me with no hint that he was aware I existed near his position, further nailed my discomfort. Jesus! It was as if he didn't know me at all, but I did not care anymore. My mind was already tired pondering why he always treated me as if he just suffered from amnesia and could not recognize my ugly face every time we meet in public. I feel very exhausted with those never-ending rejections.

After the christening, I left hastily ahead of the group because I still have to attend the acquaintance party of MBA-MPA Society of Addu. While riding a jeep and texted my classmate, I still couldn't reconcile the fact why my shoes gave me a severely depressing day and why a friend, whom I thought a real friend, pointedly snubbed me. Why and why....so many questions again lurking in my mind.

Then I remembered --- maybe Grace was angry with me?

I was supposed to go with my friends to New Bataan, Compostela Valley at 3:00 pm for Grace's burial tomorrow, September 25, but I just couldn't make it because of too many conflicts on my schedule. So I told my two friends to just go ahead.

While resting now and recalled the things that happened earlier...I could not help but think why I am always treated as if I did not deserve  to be respected despite all my effort to be polite and gracious? Am I being cursed?

But I care no more. It is simply tiring.

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