Friday, May 6, 2011

Vibrant and Hopeful

Getting a good rest...and staying in my room most of the time.

Though I feel better now, there are times that prickly issues reappeared in my mind like restless ghosts that there's a surging need to blurt it out to unload its monstrous effect in my system. But I am often misunderstood, viewing me as repulsive and indignant and dismissing my rant as an immature resentment of a woman deprived of whatever little piece of happiness she is incapable of achieving.

But it doesn't matter to me now, at least I fired my last bullet, not to launch an assault but to release the burden that kept thudding in my mind from that unresolved squabbles.

Last night, I tossed some old files from my cabinet, rearranged the stuff in my room and flipped several pages of my previous journal entries. So I re-read the content, sort of tripping-down-memory-lane. It's crazy how far I'd traveled this journey, of letting myself duped with senseless thing.  I sat back and pulled another notebook and scribbled another plans.

Then I went over to several books I neglected. Hoping to find some ideas how to extinguish this upheaval far beneath. Until my stomach growled in hunger so I went down and cooked foods. I did not eat much these past few days, my appetite seemed shut. Other than devouring several bowls of corn flakes, none of the foods I bought sound so delicious to take. So I cut my meal into twice a day intake only and I just coddled my hunger pangs with fruits and whole wheat biscuit. It worked anyway.
just received an airmail this morning from this publishing company. I am happy for their interest to publish my work, but then I have no enough money to finance the shared cost stipulated on the contract. This is the third international publishing company which expressed interest to help me publish my work but I just let it passed because of financial constraint, such a sad fact. Now, I felt bad about myself, I don't know what it is, maybe frustration or disgust.

This morning, I received an airmail from Dorrance Publishing Company based in Pennsylvania, USA, asking if I will still push through with our previous negotiation to publish my book with them. I felt sad about this good opportunity to let it pass, but then I have no extra money to shoulder the shared cost (from the author) stipulated in the contract. This is the third international publishing company expressing interest to publish my work which I turned down because of financial reason. Haaaay!

I am planning to self-publish my work, but it requires tons of money too plus it is very difficult to obtain ISBN without the help of a publishing company.Hahay Lord!

Maybe I''ll finish MBA first before jumping into a career rigodon to avoid the danger of traversing into the wilderness of unknown path, if I have to entertain thoughts of finding another job I might be edging myself down to the muck. I will just have to revise my work and continue writing the other three manuscripts. I am preparing a business plan for an online shopping website I am itching to put up to earn enough money to finance my scripts for publication.

Anyway, time is on my side, I am still young and vibrant and very hopeful and the more I persevere the more I see a glowing future. All I need is to look always on the brighter side of life...positive thinking counts when everything seems wobbling into undesirable rotation.

After all, life is super generous and not really that bad...

Did I mention that I am ready to live under shabby clothes and gadget just to reach the arrow pointing to the end of the rainbow? Will I ever see a pot of gold there?hehehe

No comments: