Sunday, February 6, 2011

Murky Weekend

2010 December 4

I woke up at 6:35 in the morning to prepare for our Advent Recollection at the Kerygma Conference. After taking a bath (in a haste because it was so cold and I had a slight fever that morning) I ate wheat bread with hot Green Tea as my breakfast. I felt so empty and down while going to the Central bank, too many clutters clogging in my brain, felt like I was carrying a megawatt emotional baggage.

When we arrived at the area, we took our seat at the far corner of the convention hall and waited for an hour before the conference started. I was only pacified when Bo Sanchez made his sharing. It was great, watching him talk live again pumped a different fulfillment. The last time I saw him was in November 2006 during his “Bo Talks” conference tour. I truly adored him because of his wisdom and enthusiasm to spread the word of God, I admired people like him because they always reminded me of my father who is serving the Catholic Church as a Eucharistic Minister for more than 50 years now. I’ve been a Kerygma reader since 1997 and bought Bo’s very first book: You Can Make your Life Beautiful, in 1999.

But towards the end of his talk, I felt very uncomfortable, I twitched and fidgeted a lot and felt like the other side of my chest was being yanked by something sharp, I was not cooperating anymore, my friend elbowed me and asked why I was so silent, my mind flown somewhere that I thought it was so useless to continue attending the conference. So when the first break was announced at 11:00, I excused myself and left the Central Bank.

As I reached my bedroom, I closed my eyes and asked God the same repeated question I kept nudging for the past two years, “Why Lord?” But I know I couldn’t find answers if I just spent the whole afternoon sleeping. So after I ate my lunch, I went to the nearest internet cafĂ© and surfed endlessly, I checked my Google Adsense and searched for publishing companies to send my book queries. Three hours later I went to San Pedro Cathedral, bought a newspaper (Sunstar Davao where our self-esteem workshop and photoshoot session with Davao Bloggers were featured) and attended the anticipated mass at 5:30.

2010 December 5

The feeling of frustration and disappointment still hovered in my horizon at 7:00 in the morning but I had to fix myself for my appointment with the Davao Bloggers. At 9:00 in the morning I went to 13th Witch Design Studio with other bloggers for our photoshoot session. We had to pose for several shots for an online catalogue selling Indian fashion accessories.

During the photoshoot, which lasted for six hours, my disgruntled self-esteem clearly showed, so Lea Valle, the Studio owner and photographer (she is also the current president of the Davao Bloggers Community), need to coach me further to show some attitude on my angle, she kept repeating my shots as I couldn’t interpret clearly the different pose she wanted me to do and the mood that I was supposed to interpret with the clothes and accessories.

When I went home, I studied my reflection at the mirror while removing the heavy Indian-inspired make up and told myself: Cheer up! There are lots of wonderful things on the other side of the road waiting to be explored.

I went to bed that night still emotionally disturbed, my mind found solace in prayers and asked God's help to placate my troubled mind, after uttering prayers and seeking God's forgiveness I drifted to sleep.

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