Thursday, December 30, 2010

GREAT THINGS!

GREAT!


This is my favorite expression when I want to emphasize something wonderful. So what are the great things I find really GREAT in life?
 Trendy bags I received
GREAT GIFTS (I received):
1. BAGS (I love pink!)
2. Pink Journal (a very wonderful Christmas gift--2007)
     3. Books (I adored books!)
     4. Rosary
     5. Cards (I treasured cards and other form of notes.hehe)
 The pink journal I received last Christmas 2007
MOVIES:

I am a big movie buff! Below are the few films I find GREAT:

      1. The Shawshank Redemption (Fantastic plot!)
      2. The Insider (brilliant dialogue and screenplay. Al Pacino is always the best)
      3. Lord of the Rings (all the three installments)
      4. Sense and Sensibility (I am a huge Jane Austen fan)
      5. Forest Gump (very simple, yet fascinating. What I like most about this movie is its amazing musical score, the sound track is great!)
      6. The First Knight (simply because this is a King Arthur-inspired film)
      7. Scream I (I love horror flicks. Scream I is not one of those flash-in-the-pan horror movies, it is intelligently made I should say, thanks to director Wez Craven)
      8. Interview of the Vampire (a classic horror story, oh did I say I love macabre movies?hehe)
      9. The Cutting Edge (This is my all time favorite when it comes to cute movies, the story is...uhmmm..simple cute and giggling)
     10. Down to you (well, speaking of cute and sweet and mushy, this Freddie Prinze Jr and Julia Stiles starrer is simply captivating).

FOODS (I eat):

    1. Yoghurt (plain or with mixture anything will do)
    2. Steamed Broccoli and Asparagus sprinkled with Olive Oil (super healthy, it is often called food for the youth)
    3. Wheat Bread/Brown Rice (simply healthy)
    4. All fruits (hehe)
    5. Black rice with minced provincial garlic-like herbs (this is my super favorite food back in the province)
    6. Crab stuffed with young coconut (this is my father's priceless recipe)
    7. Danggit (hahaha...I love to catch danggit during low tide in our place when I was still a young girl. I lived near along the seashore you know.hehe)
    8. Stewed Buko with malungay and salmon fish (sounds weird? No it's a very healthy recipe my father always cooked this recipe when we were still young)
    9. Baked Squash (This is another healthy stuff. I love it)
    10. Inihaw na Panga (pretty obvious because it is a fish)

DRINKS: well, aside from water, this is what I drink.
 My favorite brand of Green tea

     1. Green tea with honey (everyday)
     2. Fresh Kalamansi Juice (I always prepare squeezed fresh kalamansi four times a week)with honey
     3. Milk (fresh or powder)
     4. Wheatgrass with honey
     5. Fruit or vegetable shakes (when I am dining out)

GREAT LESSONS:
    1. From Rissa Singson-Kawpeng "Take it from someone who prayed for two decades and concluded it wouldn't happen. But God is so great and so faithful" (Rissa is truly a great inspiration! She is the present Editor-in-Chief of Kerygma magazine. She married at 38 and had a first baby at 39, now at 42 she's going to have another baby! So I should not worry anyway I am far from the age of Rissa when she got married.haha!)
   2. From Bo Sanchez "You will never be completely healed if you don't recognize pain, if you don't acknowledge that you've been hurt!" (Amazing!every time I am sad, I always read Bo's blogs. I've been a Kerygma reader since 1997 when Bo Sanchez was still single.hehehe)
   3. From Prince Charles, the Prince of Wales "Television is bad for children, it robs the natural imaginativeness of a child" (I know I am not a child anymore, but I agree with Prince Charles, television shows make us dull-witted. Good that I was trained since a child to refrain from watching TV. Now, except current affairs and documentary shows, I never watch television. It is extremely boring)
   4. From Diana, Princess of Wales "A woman instinct is always accurate" (she uttered this line during her interview in 1995 with BBC news commentator, Martin Bashir. Well the late Princess of Wales is right. A woman instinct is always accurate)
   5. From Pope John Paul II "It is in suffering that we see and experience the real love of Christ" (every time I suffer, I always remember this line from the late great pope) 
   6. From Jane Fonda "It's never too late to begin, never too late to start with (I agree!So why worry?)
   7. From Stephen Hawking "I just don't care about my disability (I admired his strength and positive disposition, despite his disabilities he still continue doing the things he believed could help change the world, he is a British Physicist and Mathematician, the remaining genius in the mold of Albert Einstein, Sir Isaac Newton and Galileo Galili)

GREAT THINGS I LOVE:
I love the cool and tranquil environment of the countryside, beach is always fantastic. The dramatic sunset, the wonderful sunrise. Rainbows. Tweets of the birds, these are the things I love.

I dreamed to build a house in a farm, the soft breeze of the mountain and the green surroundings give me peace of mind and serenity. I love pink, I love to smile, I love to giggle, I adored great conversation.

I plan to download songs of Barry Manilow, Billy Ocean, James Ingram, Dan Hill, Robbie Williams and all the sentimental music stuff to put in my laptop and just listen all day while resting. Amidst the busy schedule I am having now, I hope one day I could find time to relax in the beach (not to swim) and just eat and sit there and think about my life. Or have some walk in the countryside, in a small farm or in a mountain resort.

My idea of a perfect date is just walking in a beach or in a tranquil mountain resort and just talk and talk. I adored books!In my room, I am surrounded with books and magazines.
 My royal books collection
My books 
The seaside near our home in the province

…and THE THINGS I HATED

I hate pizza, I hate softdrinks, I hate boring people. I don't like parties and I don't want to hang around with people who resort to gossiping, it is utterly ridiculous. I just want to stay at home and read good books and write articles.

Great things in life are free! of course...so try to look around and see these amazing things.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

ANOTHER ONE DECADE

Two days more to go and 2010 will bid goodbye...next year is not only another year but ANOTHER DECADE...oh gosh! so what now??

 Am I going to start counting how many fine lines revealed every time I laughed or cry? No. In fact I don't have any fine lines visible in my skin surface yet. My healthy lifestyle helps a lot. My biological clock is not ticking so fast, in fact it is not entering red zone yet.

Last Night, I started writing everything I want to accomplish next decade. Contemplating again what my future looks like. Where my life is heading. I didn't come home this Christmas, contrary to what I'd planned earlier this season. I have so many task to do. I spent everyday, since December 23, writing case analysis and journal critiques for my marketing management subject in the grad studies.

I want to finish the 20 case studies, assignments, journal readings in order to free my schedule next January and February because I will going to start working on a home-based writing job. This is quite stressful as the demand of the job required me to write at least five articles and make a lot of research and readings, but it doesn't matter, I love it. It is where my world belongs, writing and research always make me feel complete, it is my happiness.

When I finish my MBA, I want to join entrepreneurship and make writing a lifetime career. I hate office work, it's like living in a hell!It feels like I am a robot, stupid and damn individual, but I have to endure it until I finished my grad studies

I felt guilty because I slightly abandoned my French audio tutorial lessons and my two fiction manuscripts I am planning to finish early next year but my tight schedule left no room to accommodate these tasks!It seems I am always running out of time that the twenty-four hour cycle is not enough to do the things I want to finish.

Personally, I am still struggling to eradicate the emotional upheaval gushing deep inside, it's just so utterly ridiculous to hope for some miracle to land in my palm so I darted my mind on some profitable things, but towards the end of the day everything keeps repeating like a broken record. Now I wanted to fly far away from here to avoid something, but of course even if I am running one hundred miles away, I could not run from myself, so better face it and wait how long my physical strength can endure the battle underneath.

I want to travel as far as Tuscany or Cornwall or Gloucestershire or Isle of Skye and take pictures! I want to explore the world and rediscover myself. It feels like I am concentrating on the future, so much so, that I forget life is happening NOW and not TOMORROW! I want to forget that I am a total mess, a total failure. I want to divert my attention from the humiliation I suffered which left a terrible mark in my self-esteem, I want to find out if other people find me interesting and attractive because it seems the devastating words of rejection still hovered in my horizon and refused to go.

Now, I am celebrating New Year alone...in my room with my laptop and my books. I want to spend time alone to think about my life as a whole, I want serenity and peace of mind to see the real road I am going to take. Last Christmas eve, I cried because I feel so empty and abandoned.

After attending the Christmas eve at the Ateneo covered court, I walked alone, but I could feel the soft breeze brushing my skin as if sweeping the sadness deep inside, I saw happiness in the surroundings, the laughter and giggling of the people in their houses, the Christmas lights sparkled like evening stars. I went to bed as soon as I reached my bedroom.

I never had any Noche Buena, on the following day, I woke up late until my stomach growled in hunger, I only ate oatmeal with hot green tea. I know I could be happier if I went home but I chose not to. My only wish is for God to take all the pain and hurt I suffered so that I can concentrate in rebuilding my crumbled hopes.

For the past decade, I am not sure exactly if I planned my life accordingly, it seems all plans I made scattered like pieces of dust into the horizon. I am still left wandering in this bare earth thinking where is the road I should suppose to walk in. Did I over estimate my goals? Or did I simply let things messed out around me. Of course I should not mop on things that already passed, I am still capable of doing things right on the coming years, but every time I looked back, I wonder why my destiny is forever welded in one corner.

Last decade, I am too preoccupied with my silly thought of getting married that I scrambled to find someone with a failed result. It's so silly but back then, I was busy writing my wedding script, sketching the house I want to build and preparing my wedding gown designs. I read books about parenting, about rearing kids, about finishing school. Gosh!

When 2010 arrives with no hint of Prince Charming, I totally crumpled my scripts and my plans. But...uhmmm...of course I found "the one", but I over-analyzed the circumstances and misinterpreted the signal, so I ended up thrown out on the road hemorrhaging in pain. I was able to get back on my feet though but the damage made me figuratively walk in "scratches" of dismantled self-confidence, though I was able to rebuild it, the pain forever damage my self-esteem.

Of course there are plenty of reasons to look back in the past decade.  Lots of beautiful things and realizations happened which fully developed my emotional maturity. I cried. I felt love and was able to see the real world with lots of complications and clutters. I discovered my weaknesses and strengths. I was able to go to far places like Baguio City and Manila in 2008, Camiguin this year and some side trip in-betweens.

I also discovered that internet is not only for browsing topics for research but also for extra income. In 2000, I realized that I should start meeting and talking with guys. For so long, I refused to be closed to any guy simply because I am afraid with them..hahaha! But no special relationships developed among those acquaintances because I find them extremely boring. In 2004, I felt my blood rose with pressure, so I asked God again to help me find "the one" but until 2006 arrived and departed, nothing happens. In 2007 I thought it was the year finally...well, finally, just like that...finally, I realized I am nothing but an extra character in all action movies worthy to be thrown and eliminated in the end.


Now, I want to try another plan, another dreams...I don't know what horrifying events again awaits me along the way, but whatever it is, I am confident I could wind up everything because I am already strong and better. I know already how to handle complexities...if ever I meet people with questionable motives, I know how to put my red flag on. I hope the coming decade would not punish me with so much pain, I am hoping this time, circumstances will cooperate finally.

So help me God...


Sunday, December 5, 2010

Lessons I learned from Stephen Hawking

I was a little bit disappointed when I wasn’t able to attend the Christmas Party of the Davao Bloggers Community last December 3 (Friday) because I had a class at 6:00 to 9:00 pm, but it was a blessing in disguise because we had a wonderful class discussion that night. My professor, a well-traveled lady who took up her two Masteral degrees in Australia and the United States, shared a very touching story about STEPHEN HAWKING.

 The crippled body of British Physicist, Stephen Hawking

For people who didn’t know Stephen Hawking, he is a British Theoritical Physicist, Cosmologist and a Lucasian Professor of Mathematics at the prestigious Cambridge University (a post previously held by another gifted Physicist, Sir Isaac Newton).

He earned his Physics and Mathematics degree at Cambridge and Oxford. Hawking is traditionally called the last genius (in the tradition of Albert Einstein , Galileo Galili and Isaac Newton) to survive in the 21st century.

According to his biography, Hawking is known for his contribution in the fields of Cosmology and Quantum Gravity especially in the context of Black Holes, his key scientific works include Theorems regarding gravitational singularities in the framework of general relativity and the theoretical prediction that black holes should emit radiation, which is today known as Hawking radiation.
 Despite his limited mobility and slurred speech, he continue sharing his knowledge as a Cambridge professor until his retirement this year. The machine attached to him transmitted his speech to coherent words. Cambridge University by the way is the recent number one University in the world edging out Harvard University in the 2010 survey conducted by several organizations.

But this scientist is plagued by a strange disease called “a motor neuron disease” which crippled his body and made him confined in a wheelchair, he looked like a “crumpled box” with a machine attached to his face ( this machine was invented by his Doctor of Physics students at the Cambridge University) to read the blinking of his eyes and to transmit his slurred speech into coherent words.

This noted man of learned science who had been nominated several times at the Nobel Prize Awards, awarded a Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2009 (the highest accolade a US President can give to a private citizen) for his great contribution to contemporary physics, published many books, actively cooperated with NASA for its space technology research (in 2009 Hawking was the first disabled person to take a zero-gravity flight) and yet, despite beleaguered with a life-threatening disease which limited his mobility and speech, he did not stop from doing what he believed could greatly contribute to human kind.
 During his zero-gravity flight in 2007

What amazed me more is that despite his incapacity and limited movements, he still teaches at Cambridge University, trained potential Physicists, published many books (his two world’s best-seller books are The Brief History of Time and The Briefer History of Time and one recently published book he co-authored with American Physicist, Leonard Mlodinow, The Grand Design, he also published a journal called God Created the Integers) and continue working on different research studies about Quantum Gravity and Cosmology. This genius is truly an inspiration!

But what really struck me about this exceptional human being is when my professor related the interview of Larry King, a renowned American TV host, with Hawking in his Larry King Live show on CNN. Here’s what my professor shared:

Two years ago when I was in New York, Stephen Hawking was there promoting his book “The Brief History of Time”, then I saw him being interviewed by Larry King, when the latter asked Hawking if he believed in God, the scientist said in a coarse voice transmitted by the machine “No, Larry, I don’t believe in God”

 “A year later, I watched Stephen Hawking again (who made another trip to the United States, in a wheelchair, promoting his follow-up book “The Briefer History of Time”) being interviewed by Larry King and asked the same question: “Oh Mr. Hawking I will ask you the same question because the viewers are interested to know your thought about God, Do you believe in God now?”

My professor paused and looked on our bewildered faces (I remember holding my breath while my professor continued sharing about Stephen Hawking) and she said to us “You know class I was struck with Stephen Hawking’s answer when he said in a slow voice “Yes Larry I believed in God, but not your God Larry, but the God of the Universe" (Larry King is a Jew).

For a scientist and one of the few remaining geniuses who once acknowledged that “the big bang was the result of the inevitable laws of Physics and did not need God to spark the creation of the Universe” to utter those lines was a great surprise! Hawking, for many years refused to believe that there is God.

But in his great work "The Brief History of Time", Hawking did not dismiss the possibility that God had a hand in the creation of the Universe. But few weeks ago, his latest book “The Grand Design” which centers on the big bang theory,  received criticism from Christians especially Catholic and Anglican church authorities.

Nevertheless, my admiration of Hawking is not on religious aspect (as I respected his views about it), but more on courage, bravery and wisdom. His astonishing ability to cope up with frustrations and depression, his unique courage to fight the insecurities and humiliation brought by his paralyzed body, despite his disability, he continues inspiring people with his discoveries and exceptional intellect.

Hawking described himself as “very lucky” despite his disease. In the span of many years battling for this illness, it did not hinder him from making influential discoveries and exploring possibilities of making use of his life while on Earth. The disease, which affected him since he was 21 years old, gave him only 30 years to live (according to his doctors, at that time he was only 40, now Hawking is already 68 years old) During the BBC Interview Stephen Hawking said "Being disabled, or physically challenged, makes no difference to how my scientific colleagues treat me apart from practical matters like waiting while I write what I want to say about the disability and being a scientist".

So I thought, why giving up on chasing big dreams?





MURKY WEEKEND

December 4

I woke up at 6:35 in the morning to prepare for our Advent Recollection at the Kerygma Conference. After taking a bath (in a haste because it was so cold and I had a slight fever that morning) I ate wheat bread with hot Green Tea as my breakfast. I felt so empty and down while going to the Central bank, too many clutters clogging in my brain, felt like I was carrying a megawatt emotional baggage.

When we arrived at the area, we took our seat at the far corner of the convention hall and waited for an hour before the conference started. I was only pacified when Bo Sanchez made his sharing. It was great, watching him talk live again pumped a different fulfillment. The last time I saw him was in November 2006 during his “Bo Talks” conference tour.

I truly adored him because of his wisdom and enthusiasm to spread the word of God. I admired people like him because they always reminded me of my father who is serving the Catholic Church as a Eucharistic Minister for more than 30 years now. I’ve been a Kerygma reader since 1997 and bought Bo’s very first book: You Can Make your Life Beautiful, in 1999.

But towards the end of his talk, I felt very uncomfortable, I twitched and fidgeted in my seat a lot and felt like the other side of my chest was being yanked by something sharp, I was not cooperating anymore, my friend elbowed me and asked why I was so silent, my mind flown somewhere that I thought it was so useless to continue attending the conference.

So when the first break was announced at 11:00, I excused myself and left the Central Bank. As I reached my bedroom, I closed my eyes and asked God the same repeated question I kept nudging for the past two years, “Why Lord?” But I know I couldn’t find answers if I just spend the whole afternoon sleeping.

After I ate my lunch, I went to the nearest internet café and surfed endlessly, I checked my Google Adsense and searched for publishing companies to send my book queries. Three hours later I went to San Pedro Cathedral, bought a newspaper (Sunstar Davao where our self-esteem workshop and photoshoot session with Davao Bloggers were featured) and attended the anticipated mass at 5:30.

December 5

The feeling of frustration and disappointment still hovered in my horizon at 7:00 in the morning but I had to fix myself for my appointment with the Davao Bloggers. At 9:00 in the morning I went to 13th Witch Design Studio with other bloggers for our photoshoot session.

We had to pose for several shots for an online catalogue selling Indian fashion accessories. During the photoshoot, which lasted for six hours, my disgruntled self-esteem clearly showed, so Lea Valle, the Studio owner and photographer (she is also the current president of the Davao Bloggers Community), need to coach me further to show some attitude in my angle, she kept repeating my shots as I couldn’t interpret clearly the different pose she wanted me to do and the mood that I was supposed to interpret with the clothes and accessories.

When I went home, I studied my reflection in the mirror while removing the heavy Indian-inspired make up and told myself: Cheer up! There are lots of wonderful things on the other side of the road waiting to be explored.
 This is my test shot for the fashion shoot. We posed for several shots wearing Indian fashion clothes and accessories for an Online Catalogue of Pankaj, an Indian House of Fashion. The photoshoot lasted more than six hours...waaah!
Sun Star Davao, December 4 issue. Our self-esteem workshop for Empowered Filipina Activity (EFA) and photoshoot session with the Davao bloggers landed on the second page of the said newspaper.LOL!

I went to bed that night still emotionally bothered, my mind found solace in prayers and sought God's aid to placate my troubled mind, after uttering prayers and asking God's forgiveness I drifted to sleep and wake up fully recharged.



Friday, December 3, 2010

First part of December

I always love writing. Every minute of the day when I am not busy and just resting in my room ( of course I cannot rest), I'll pull my journal and scribble every event and emotion I had...I just love writing... So here's what happened in the first part of December.

December 1 (Wednesday) - so frustrated because I wasn't able to attend the mass at the Cathedral. I made a promise last year to attend the mass every first Wednesday of the month but this second semester I have a class at the graduate school every Wednesday.

When I enrolled last November, I was supposed to free my Wednesday evening but then again, there was no other schedule for Marketing Management subject and I need to take this subject now to enrol global marketing next semester.

Anyway, I love this subject because it purely talks about business, consumer behavior, global economy and money, lots of money hahaha! I enjoyed listening to my professor who shared so many business tips, he talked about marketing research endlessly and I love research and hope to work in a research company someday. My professor, Dr. Danny Te, is the current program head of Addu's Business Administration, he is also a past President of Philippine Marketing Association-Davao Chapter.

December 2 (Thursday) - I had a terrible headache because I wasn't able to eat breakfast, my head throbbed intensely but I had to report to work because I don't want to consume my vacation leave, I plan to enrol next summer. Despite my condition, I still made an effort to attend my Management Accounting class at 6:00 pm because I don't want to miss the discussion and the case assignments. My headache subsided around 10:00 pm.

December 3 (Friday) - Doing some research for my assignment in Ignatian Leadership for Managers subject. We're going to report tonight the Vision, Mission and Goals of the Philippines for the next 50 years. But I am a little bit sad today because I couldn't attend the Christmas Party of the Davao Bloggers Community tonight at the B3 of NCCC mall because I have a class.haaaay! So busyyyyyyy..I finally decided also to follow the Thesis track of MBA, I want to work in a research company afterwards.

December 4 (Saturday) - I will be attending our Advent Recollection today which will be at the Kerygma Conference, Bangko Central ng Pilipinas, Davao City. Don't know what to expect, except that I am happy to listen to Bo Sanchez's lecture and sharing, I am anxious to know some "other matters" which made me super restless.